25 April 2011

If You Mention Their Name, They Will Message You

Ever have someone like that?  Someone that's driving you absolutely psycho-batshit-insane, and you have to be nice to them?  Or at least polite? Yeah, me too.

There are times when I scream whenever I get a message.  Times I die to turn off all forms of communication and live like a hermit for a while, and then I remember that I need to be reachable to my family at the very least.

I dream of going out and murdering people with a wooden cooking spoon.

I honestly don't know what to do with some of those people.  Don't want to fight, because as bitter and abrasive as I may seem, I'm actually not very confrontational. Why else would I start a blog that very few people would see? haha.

Just makes me a little stabby, little depressed, little stressed out.  I've got enough shit on my plate, do I really need to take on yours too?

Sorry, just feeling frustrated. Been a long couple of months.

I'll work on bringing back the funny in the next post.

P.S.  I've been challenged to create a scene from "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Halloween" using peeps.  I believe I instigated the challenger to create a contest for horror scenes using peeps and it is awesome.  I hope to actually do something decent with them. 

22 April 2011

Trekking for Jesus- Stay Out of the Fucking Road!

Today is Good Friday.  Now I dunno about the rest of the country/world, but this marks the start of something here in New Mexico:  The trek to either Chimayo or Tome Hill.  This trek (I believe) is supposed to simulate Christ's trek to the hill of Golgotha where he was crucified.

That's all well and good.  If you wanna go trekking for Jesus, good on ya.  I don't really care.

I have one request, and this applies every day, but local events make it more prominent today.


There are shoulders, fuck, even sidewalks for you to walk on.  That's kinda what they're there for.  The roads, the bit with the lines and the fucking cars, that's not for you, that's for the vehicles that go above a crawl.  There are laws for pedestrians just as there are laws for vehicles.  Ignorance is no excuse. 

I don't care what your purpose is for being in the road, but if you're there and you get nailed, it's you damn fault for not following the rules of the road.  Jesus wasn't impervious, hence why the nails went in, and he wasn't immune from the laws of his time either.  Walking in commemoration of his walk doesn't make you impervious to a motherfucking car, and it doesn't give you immunity to the laws that govern the rest of us. 

There's a reason Jesus road to Nazareth on a donkey; they didn't have cars and therefore couldn't go faster than maybe 12 miles an hour.  Nowadays, we go much much faster, and in the contest of person versus steel/fiberglass/aluminum/fucking rickshaw, person will lose. 

You're not entitled to impede traffic because you people don't know how to walk 2 abreast or single file.  You don't have to walk in a gaggle.  You're not goddamned geese.  Stay out of the bloody road.  Fair warning, I will hit you and I'll tally up my points based on who and what I hit. 

In general, this applies to people in the university area too.  You aren't allowed to just burst out onto the road to cross the street without looking.  There are crosswalks for a reason, and they're generally the safest place to cross the road. Just crossing the road is illegal.  It's called jaywalking, and you can be cited for it.  It also means that if you get into an accident involving a car, you're at fault because you're crossing the road illegally.  Sorry to break it to ya, but it's true.

Bicyclists? Folk who ride scooters? Don't think I've forgotten about you. 

Let's break it down shall we?  If you're not on skateboards or shoes with wheels on them, then you're considered a vehicle and you MUST follow the MANDATORY traffic laws. Such things like signaling, lane changing, waiting your motherfucking turn at lights; that shit?  Yeah, you've gotta follow it too.  I can't tell you how many accidents have been caused because of a bicyclist in particular who didn't follow traffic laws and just decided to go ahead and cross the road anyway, or not look to see if a car is turning and just went across the road and hit the car or were hit. 

It sickens me.  I'm sorry that you might have been hurt, but you were driving ignorantly and without concern for those around you.  As I've mentioned in a previous post, you hold lives in your hands and you shouldn't just be blithely running around with no concern or care.  You are a jackass of epic proportions if you do. 

Just do me a favor and have a care, be aware of your surroundings and look at those around you, check what others are doing.  And stay out of the fucking road if you're on foot.  You see a blue Honda Civic coming your way, check to be sure you're in the area of safety that was created just for you for such occasions. 

17 April 2011

RuPaul...Modern Socrates?

I watch RuPaul's Drag Race on LogoTV. I love it. As I watch it though, I've considered that RuPaul may be a modern philosopher.

She talks about things that I think most people need to take into consideration in their lives. "If you don't love yourself, how the hell're you gonna love somebody else?" This could be considered RuPaul's catch phrase.

There's a lot that one can get from that simple statement.  If you don't love yourself, then why are you out looking for someone else to love?  You need to work on yourself first.  You need to love yourself, no matter what you look like.  And isn't it ironic that so much of the love we hold for ourselves is wrapped up in our outward appearance?  Very few people love themselves just for being themselves, their looks notwithstanding because looks change.  All the time in fact.  There are some people who are perfectly gorgeous, and thought to be so by almost everyone, and still don't love themselves. Maybe because they feel that people only love them for their looks.

People should love themselves just because they are who they are.  No matter who you are, you'll affect someone else's life, and you'll change someone else's life for the better.  There are people on this planet who wouldn't be the same if you weren't in their lives.  Love yourself because someone else does.

Now onto the second part of that sentiment above; how the hell're you gonna love somebody else?  It's true.  If you can't love the one person you're going to be with for the rest of your life (yourself), how can you really, truly love someone else?  I'd be afraid that I was looking for validation from that person all the time.  That it wouldn't be okay to love myself unless someone else loved me, and since I couldn't love myself, I'd only love them.  It doesn't make for a healthy outlook or way to live life.  It seems really one-sided.  I'd feel like I would resent myself because I would feel like I was constantly in the spotlight for not being perfect, worthy of love.  Everyone is worthy of love.  Everyone deserves it.  But you've gotta understand what love feels like, in order to give it to someone else too.

Everyone has something they don't love about themselves, but no one's perfect.  Everyone has a flaw.  If all you fixate on is the flaw, you won't be able to see past it to the whole person.  Sometimes, people shine so brightly that when you look at the whole picture, the flaw is lost in the splendor.  Adele Givens the comedienne said "Flaws aren't shit but unique identifying marks.  If you're bucktoothed, relax.  Chill out Bucky, baby.  You're gonna be alright.  Cause I bet there's a man out there who doesn't want anything less than a woman who can bite an apple through a picket fence. If you got a big belly, rub that motherfucker.  Love it."

RuPaul also has another quip that gets overlooked, but speaks a home truth:  Don't fuck it up.

Don't fuck it up.  Simple, to the point, direct.  It's true.  No matter what your philosophy on the "afterlife" or religious preference, this statement rings.  If you think that what you do here on this world has some reflection on what happens to you when you die, then don't fuck it up.  It'll come back to bite you on the ass.  If you belief that this life isn't a test and that only what you do here matters, then don't fuck it up.  It'll impact the rest of your life.  Be as good to others as you can.  Be good to yourself.  Don't be full of spite and anger and resentment and jealousy.

Having those sorts of feelings and thoughts sours whatever you're doing, whatever good feelings you might have.  Doing that to yourself, or to others?  That's fucking it up big time.

So, everyone, find yourself a drag queen.  Be friends with them.  They've got a unique perspective on life and most of them will tell you straight (ba dum bish!! thank you thank you, pun intended :D ), even if you don't want to hear it. They're modern philosphers, and RuPaul is their leader.

That is all.  Have a lovely Sunday.

11 April 2011

Simple Entertainments

I've recently come to the conclusion that people don't have enough simple pleasures in their lives.

When I say simple, I mean simple.  The other day I was just driving and being amused with a hair tie I had wrapped around my thumb like a ring.  I was just playing with it and twisting it around, and I found that I was more calm, relaxed and efficient as a driver. 

When I came home, I continued playing with the hair tie and I didn't get bored for another hour.

I think we may depend too much on technology for entertainment.  I remember being a kid and playing with my stuffed animals for HOURS on end.  Just making up stories. 

Now I have to admit that I'm a bit of a video game whore.  I've been playing a lot of video games lately.  Mostly survival-horror because that is my bag, but some fantasy RPGs too (a la Final Fantasy.)

I've been trying to read more too.  That's a nice simple pleasure that I want to enjoy more often, just laying on my bed, or on the couch, maybe with some music in the background.  Sometimes having the house completely quiet is just wonderful while I do this too, but the dogs like having something on in the background.  Just reading.  I remember reading a book recently (probably one of the best books I've ever read in my entire life The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss) and remarking on how nice the paper was.  It was such an obscure, minor detail but I couldn't stop marveling at the quality of the paper haha.  It made me happy that I wasn't so overloaded with other crap that I could notice that.

We need to slow down a little I think.   We always hear how we were happiest when we were children, so maybe we need to think like kids again.  Find something simple.  Go get a stick and pretend you're sword fighting some bad ass knight for a few minutes.  I can almost guarantee you'll get the giggles because you're letting out some of those pent up emotions and energies.  Put on some rocking music while you're cooking or brushing your teeth and just bump and grind around, feeling like you're either the prima ballerina or a chick in a music video.  It's fun, I promise.

I really think that everyone would be a lot happier if they took the opportunity to just be silly for at least a few minutes a day.  Everyone can find five minutes for yourselves to remember that you don't wanna grow up cause you're a Toys R Us kid. 

That's your assignment for the week.  Be silly, have fun.  I want to hear about what you've done in the comments :)  Happy trails

10 April 2011

What's this? A ve-hic-le?

I know that I, like damn near every other driver, have pet peeves.

No. Screw that. I have psychotic fucking hatreds. Yeah, that's more honest.

I've honestly considered looking into being a cop solely so I can drive around and write tickets all day long.  I don't wanna make detective, I don't want a desk, I wanna drive around and pull people over and write tickets all day.

People drive me nuts when they drive.  Many of them because they're speeding in a ridiculous way and that just grinds my gears (pun intended.)  Five, even ten miles over the speed limit, I can deal with that.  When you start reaching 15 to 20 and above over the speed limit, not only is that dangerous, that tells me you're either a speed freak who needs to get involved with NASCAR, or you're an asshat who doesn't know how to budget time.  If you're that late, get up earlier, leave earlier, stop fucking around before you leave the house, and you'll have more time to get where you need to be.

The main other type of driver that pisses me off is the driver who darts in and out of traffic like they think they're a stunt driver on Fast and The Furious 48.  These people just piss me off because they're really going to end up hurting someone.  They cut around each other with scant inches to spare and I've seen several people get clipped or have to slam on their brakes to avoid an accident because some inconsiderate prick felt the need for speed.  Seriously, they drive around like tadpoles on meth.

So simple, to-the-point message folks: When you get behind the wheel of any vehicle, you hold lives in your hands, not just your own.  You can end someone's life in an instant if you don't realize that you're not playing with a toy, and that the world doesn't revolve around you, and not everyone's lane is your lane too.

On a side note, did you know that swearing while driving actually lowers your blood pressure and can help keep you calm?  So talk to your fellow drivers, don't scream at them and flash the finger (or if you must, keep your windows up and your hands below the dash.)

09 April 2011

In light of yesterday's colossal jackassery...

If you're here looking for funny today, you can fuck right off.  This isn't going to be a knee-slapper of a funny post.  I've got a point to make.

Now yesterday, our nation was on tenterhooks, waiting on the government to pass a budget.  The government however, was having a disagreement over some of the spending.  Was it over defense budgeting and how it's grown to gargantuan amounts of money to fight losing battles and get our noses involved in bullshit that we declared over and done with (e.g. the middle east and "spreading democracy," the "war" that was declared over in 2005 and is in all reality an occupation)? Nope.  Is it about how we've cut education spending and as a result, children in public schools and college students who are trying to better themselves with assistance from the government in the form of grants are getting screwed because education isn't getting as much spending?  Children are being helped along by teachers so that they can get them out of the school system instead of being taught things that they should know and that can enrich their fertile young minds.  College students are taking out loans they can't afford or dropping out of college altogether.  Is this what caused the stalemate?  Nope.

Was it even about how the politicians have voted to give themselves numerous pay raises in addition to stipends for travel, food, lodging on their supposedly business related travel (and in many cases, they end up receiving as complimentary anyway) and then their numerous tax cuts as many of them are in business or are independently wealthy, but they say that retirees and active military shouldn't get pay or benefit increases to reflect the rising cost of living?  Nope, wasn't that either.  God forbid that particular nugget should ever come to light.

So pray tell, what was the all-important issue that almost crippled this country and sent it back to 1932?  Why, of all the fucked up, agenda pushing issues that it could have been, it was the issue of providing funding to women's health facilities that provide abortions, most specifically: Planned Parenthood.

Really? You ask this.  I can hear you through my monitor.  Apparently so according to the information, I reply.

Because extremist right wingers have a moral objection to abortion, they wished to cut all funding for the women's health facilities that provide them.  Or, in compromise, they wanted to not fund them directly, but give the money to the states and let them fund those facilities.  That was rejected out of hand because that doesn't help the issue.  These facilities need this funding because they are one of the only options available to low-income women, and because their purpose is to provide options, assistance, information, and education to everyone about their sexual and reproductive health.  Women and men.  Cancer screenings, STD testing, contraceptives of all forms, information, education, as well as regular OB-GYN services for women who have no health insurance and so can't go to a regular clinic for their reproductive health and yearly pelvic screenings.  Abortions are only a small portion of what they provide and even so, what the fuck does that matter?  It's already been mandated that federal funds can't be used to fund abortions directly except in very, very limited cases.

How does defunding the leading provider of contraceptives to the poor and working class reduce the number of abortions? Or the future need for those services?  It doesn't, it reduces the choices that are open to people when it comes to reproduction.  It's simply an attack on women and women's choices by people who are still bitter about women gaining the right to vote and wish to send women back to Victorian times.  This mindset is by people who believe women shouldn't strive to be more than wives and mothers, or rather broodmares who birth a child every year till they die of the physical trauma of it all.

But let's look at this from a purely fiscal, financial standpoint for right now.  We'll get to the horseshit of "morality" influencing law in a minute.  An abortion provided by Planned Parenthood can cost from $350-$1250 depending on the method and the stage of pregnancy.  This includes testing, medications, the procedure itself and office visits.  While this is a large amount of money for people to come up with, it's not all due at once and it's nothing compared to what it would cost to actually give birth to a child.  The prenatal visits and the birth alone of a child in a hospital setting or with a midwife can cost thousands, even tens of thousands if there are complications and hospital admission is required.  That's just from conception to birth.  Now look at all post-natal care, food, clothing, immunizations, toys, day care, education (from K-12, not pre-K), after school programs, computers, etc., etc., etc. Oh and just for the record, most of that is on the American taxpayer, and at least here in New Mexico, teen mothers, children and I believe single mothers get state-subsidized health insurance.  Is it any wonder that so many women have children they can't afford because they get welfare, food stamps, home assistance and low income housing and health insurance?

Again, most of that's on the American taxpayer.  Now think about the personal financial implications of having a child.  Kids are expensive.  Not having a child that you're not able to provide for is financially more responsible than having it.  Even if you have it and give it up, it can go into a foster home, adoption agencies have to work to place it, etc. It's still costing money.

But now let's look into abortion for what it is.  It's simply ending a pregnancy. It's not destroying a life, it's not murder. It's ending a pregnancy, and most states have laws about the latest in the pregnancy you can receive an abortion.  There are two types of abortion: medication abortion and procedural abortion.  Medication abortion is typically the best way to go in early pregnancy when it's no more than just a cluster of cells, no worst than a cyst or tumor.  Medication abortion is when a woman receives a pill similar to RU-486, and it causes the body to purge the abortion.  It's like having a really nasty period.  Procedural abortion happens if the medication abortion doesn't completely terminate the pregnancy or if it's further along, and it's a little more invasive, a little more like having surgery.  But it is guaranteed to end the pregnancy.  I'm not going to get into the details for those who are squeamish, but I do suggest you research it.  Ignorance and misinformation lead to misunderstanding and hatred.

That's all.  It's not some sicko cackling over his prey.  It's just a procedure to end a pregnancy.  Not all women are meant to be mothers, not all women are built for it.  Not all women want to be mothers.  And regardless of if you raise the child or not, you are a mother once you give birth. 

Me? I don't want kids.  I don't know if I'll want them in the future, but right now, I don't want them.  And I have no shame in that.  I take precautions: I'm on the pill, I've had my lovers use condoms, I even only have one ovary, although that's for a different reason (I had a 25 pound tumor sitting on my left ovary that went undiagnosed for years until it put me in the ER with excruciating pain and they did a CT scan on me.)
I've been on birth control ever since my very first sexual experience.  Planned Parenthood provides birth control, condoms, IUDs, everything someone would need to be in charge of their reproductive health.
Abortion is a single person's choice:  the woman's.  She holds the ultimate decision.  No one else has any right to tell her what to do.  I had a tumor removed; if the government had told me that I couldn't have the tumor removed because it might grow up to be cancer one day, do you think there would have been public outcry led by me? You're damn right there would have been, and rightly so.

One particular groups set of moral standards shouldn't be able to dictate laws (which are tools of logic) or finances.  By essentially criminalizing abortions (which is what'll happen if they cut funding to facilities that provide abortions), they leave women with no choice but to either bring more children into the world to burden us financially and population wise, or to resort to real back-alley abortions involving coat hangers.  Doing that sort of thing is starting to turn this country into countries that we're trying to "civilize" and give their women rights.  The middle east for example.  Abortion is almost wholly illegal there, and women have very few options or education about their health and reproduction.  Now...defunding Planned Parenthood would do practically the same thing here wouldn't it?  Shocking idea to think about since we're fighting to give them rights that we're trying to take away from our own women because of some outdated, archaic moral standard.    One almost entirely held by rich white men and women who've either never had to struggle to make those decisions, never had children, or have had too many bloody children.

05 April 2011

Regarding: Relationships

Relationships.  There are so many different types of relationships we have with one another, it's hard to make a comprehensive list.

Let's just bring it down to the main two shall we?  Friendships and relationships where sex is involved, these are what most people typically think of when we say "relationships."

Friendships are complicated.  There're a lot of dynamics to a friendship: loyalty, comfort, the ability to smack some sense into each other, love, obligation, generosity, being there for each other, etc.   These are many of the same dynamics involved in the other type of relationship but without the dynamics of sex, living together, etc.

We choose our friends.  Some of us wish we had a bit more of a "catch and release" program with friends.  Have 'em for a bit, and if it doesn't work out, we let them back into the river to float the fuck away from us.  Unfortunately, that sort of mentality doesn't apply so well to people.  If only people were fish.

Friendships should be even.  One person shouldn't have more power in the friendship than the other.  They should each enjoy the other.  They should be based on that enjoyment and not on some sort of co-dependent need for drama, or competition, oneupmanship or something of those lines.  You shouldn't have friends that you feel are inferior to you just so you can feel better.  That's just straight up bullshit.  How does that benefit the other person?  It doesn't.  I've had friendships like that. They didn't make me feel good, and they made me feel worse about myself.  Those sorts of things can cause depression.

Relationships the same, except you have the added benefit/deficit of being someone's sex monkey.  The physicality of a relationship blurs some lines.  Some lines that shouldn't be blurred to be frank.

No matter what the relationship, it's important to remember that you are individuals, and as such should be treated with some basic human decency and courtesy.  And if that relationship isn't working for you, for whatever reason, then it might be time to reconsider whether that relationship should be a part of your life.  If you feel like you've gotten everything you can from it, and you don't feel like there's anything more to gain from it, even if it hurts, even if it's hard, you should end it.

Dragging relationships out can hurt more than ending them quickly.  Like ripping off a band-aid.

Sorry for not much funny today, couldn't think of something funny when I'm trying to genuinely help.

*As a side note, I'm going to be implementing the new feature "Ask Kim."  You can ask me any kind of question you like, about any topic, ask for advice or anything, and I will answer here in the blog.  You can remain anonymous if you life, but if you do, come up with a cool pen name for the end, or I'll do it for you. :)   Please send any and all questions, blog topic suggestions, etc. to singinmommahen@gmail.com.

Until next lesson, muhalo.

04 April 2011

About Roommates

Ah, the joy of being out of one's parents' house.  You can do what you want, come and go as you please, even *gasp* have sex without having to strategize like a Navy SEAL. 

But wait, you can't afford the rent all on your own? You can afford the rent, but it means you have less money for luxuries like toilet paper and ramen and sweet, sweet methadone? I guess that means you have to take on a roommate, or several.

Here's the thing: when you have roommates, you need to learn to be considerate of them, and they of you.  Seems simple right?  Au contrair mon ami, you'd be astounded at how this simple concept seems to just slide right by people. 

First, don't assign a rota for chores.  It doesn't work, and the person who gets stuck with any particular chore on any particular day is going to resent the fact that everyone piled up the dishes or forgot to take out the trash the day before and now it's left to them.  Resentment leads to bitching-out and passive-aggressive cattiness. Bitching and moaning leads to fighting and name calling.  I don't imagine anyone being called a "self-centered, slovenly pig of a human being" is going to be in the mood for showtunes and Jenga.

So, be considerate of those living around you and clean up after yourself.  It need not be right away, but don't leave shit sitting around for more than a couple hours because then you'll forget and really piss off the roomies.

Next, be aware of each others' sleeping habits.  Me, I'm an early bird; I'm up between 0630 and 0730 naturally, no assistance needed.  And once I'm up, I'm up for the day, no coffee, no caffeine, any of that needed.  Now I seem to be in the minority when it comes to my friends.  They're night-owls and thus, not exactly early risers.  So be aware of those habits with your roommates.  If you're the first one up, be relatively quiet.  Let them sleep.  And vice versa; if you're up late, be relatively quiet for the early bird.  Neither of you wants be woken from your awesome dream that you're skiing on ice cream and then boning on a marshmallow unless there's food or sex involved in the for really real world.

Come up with a system if you need privacy to bring over other folk.  Asking does wonders. 

Ask if others would like some of what you're cooking, it's just polite.  Don't get pissed off if they take you up on your offer.  They might just bake an apple pie from scratch later on, and might get pissy if you help yourself to a slice after you got mad at them.

Be sure to have clear boundaries.  It's hell coming home and finding that your gimp mask and "Best of Bread" cd aren't where your left them because your roomie needed a chuckle.

There are other issues, but if you follow the rant so far, I think you get the jist.  After all, if you're reading this, you must be at least marginally intelligent, and you think I'm wicked funny.  *waves fingers around* You think...that I...Kim...am wickedly funny. 

*snaps fingers*  Welcome back, you zonked out on me there. 

Until next time.

02 April 2011

Concerning Jobs

As a person who's been seeking a job in this dismal market, I have a message for potential employers:

When making a listing on say, Craigslist, don't be a pussy and make the post really vague.  Say exactly what it is you expect people to do.  Don't make me waste my time sending you the email with my resume and then not hearing anything back on what the job actually is.  You don't want people wasting your time if they're unqualified or whatever, well don't waste my time by not telling me what the job is so I can have a more intelligent response to your ad.

On that note, when you do have someone who interviews, or responds to your listing (wherever it may be), be considerate enough to at least respond with "sorry, not interested" or "we found someone better suited to our needs."  Especially, doubly especially when you tell someone "we'll call you either way."  Then they wait around on a response and end up feeling crap about themselves because they weren't even good enough for a call to say no.

When that sort of thing happens it makes me want to punch babies.  That would severely suck for any babies that I'm around.  Because once you start punching babies, how do you stop?

So, to conclude: vagueness and lack of follow through make you a jackass.  Stop it now.

01 April 2011


Welcome to your first lesson.

The first rule of this class: don't fuck it up.  You want to not be a stupid jackass?  Be aware that in the past you have, in fact, been a stupid jackass whether intentionally or not.  Start being aware that you have the potential to either brighten or completely fuck up someone else's day, let alone your own.

The second rule of this class: Think of me as a helpful hunchback on the crown of your head.  I'm not an angel and I'm not a devil either.  I'm just a regular gal trying to help other because it's hard to see what's going on in your life as you're living it. 

I'm a master of analogy and I like to use them; a fuckload.  I think they're mightily helpful explaining things, and they're fun.  Especially when I get to use "colorful" terms such as "fuckrag," and "monkeyfucker."

This is just a blog for me to have some fun, rant a little, and just have a little creative outlet.  They seem to be popular these days :)

Class dismissed, hope to see you back next time.